Becoming “Her” Slowly & Messily

These days, I often write in my journal. I’ll write a tiny little brain dump and add a sticker or print out a sticky photo and paste it into my journal. It’s like a little scrapbooking moment. Most of what I write about is the same thing I’ve been circling for years. Becoming the best version of myself. Or as social media likes to call it – “Becoming Her.” I’ve even made videos about it. I think a lot of us have. But if I’m being honest? I have no clear plan. No 10-step system or blueprint. Just this quiet need to figure out who I’m becoming.

For a while, I thought becoming her was a linear journey. Do the work, be consistent, and eventually, you arrive. You become this polished and thriving version of yourself and possibly stay there. But life has taught me it doesn’t work that way.

I’ve come back to what feels like “square one” more times than I can count. The routines I built so carefully would crumble. The systems I followed would stop making sense. Even when I thought I was doing everything right, something always felt off.

“Becoming her” meant chasing productivity, having a long daily to-do list, and making sure I was checking every box. It was the motivation and productivity olympics over here or that’s what it felt like. But really, I was standing in the same place with my hands in too many things while being afraid of burning out again.

Last year I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week and heavily focused on getting my protein in every day. However, I was constantly worried about each meal and how I was going to get my protein. It was becoming a problem because I couldn’t focus on my business or content creation as much.

Eventually, I decided to start going 2-3 times a week and maybe add in some mat Pilates. I shifted my focus from obsessing over protein to simply eating meals that made me feel good – meals with both fiber and protein, but without the pressure. Will I ever go back to the gym that often? Maybe, but for now, I’ve been enjoying my mat Pilates.

I opened my eyes about consistency as well as discipline. It’s not going to look the same way it looks on social media. It’s not even going to look the same for everyone. For me, it’s going to be a little chaotic, messy and I’m going to lose momentum. But I’m ALWAYS going to get back up again.

My art business rebrand doesn’t need to be everything to everyone. I don’t need to offer prints, phone cases, tote bags, mugs, and wallpapers. I can just focus on what feels aligned – stickers, art prints, and original artwork. That’s enough.

I’m learning to believe more in small shifts, having rituals, and setting boundaries over a crazy to-do list that also makes room for three balanced meals and a 1 hour workout per day. It’s great to build up to those things, but they definitely don’t need to happen overnight.

The end goal isn’t really an end but a mindset and lifestyle. The “her” I want to become is still taking shape. I know she’s creative. She’s building a meaningful art business and growing a content platform that feels real, not performative. She’s taking care of herself and not chasing perfection.

And she’s doing it all at her own pace.